Thursday, November 27, 2008

Giving Thanks?

Even in Ireland, Thanksgiving is upon us! I managed to avoid the Turkey/Cranberry Sauce/Stuffing Combo in the work canteen today, in favour of the home-cooked meal on offer this evening. I know I should restrain myself, and I know I will eat too much.
I have been eating too much lately. And not exercising enough. My clothes are snug and I'm scared to stand on a weighing scales. I know all the logical solutions to this, but what about the emotional side, how do I stop comfort eating? I think if I knew the answer to this then I'd be extremely popular among my friends, as I know I am not the only one who seeks solace in persistent snacking. Even as I type this I'm thinking of getting something from the vending machine to have with my cup of tea! These are not rational thoughts! I need to be shifting inches, not gaining them!
My dress arrived today, the one from Coast, and as I feared, it clings to my voluptuous hips... It fits perfectly on top, then clings to my ass and thighs bearing more than a passing resemblance to the bottom of an egg timer... I look ridiculous... The party is Saturday week, I don't think I can work miracles, even if I felt inclined to radically cut my calorie intake and actually start training properly! The wedding is at the end of December, not a great time to be hoping to be skinnier, but marginally more achieveable given that there are over 4 weeks to shift the excess baggage.
It's a beautiful dress... I just wish I had my old body back so that I could wear it with pride.
So I am saying this to my chub:
Dear Chub,
Thanks for the memories, for making me appreciate my former figure and making me feel ashamed for ever complaining about what I thought were excessive curves! Thank you for showing me how uncomfortable it can be to be in your own skin, and how that can completely ruin my self-confidence and sense of self-worth. Thank you for encouraging me to be more creative in how I dress, concealing you under artistic layers of clothing. Thanks for giving me something to snuggle up to at night, and thanks for keeping me warm in these cold winter months.
I think I can manage ok on my own now, I'm ready to let you go.
Love,
S
xxx

3 comments:

Charlotte said...

I'm sorry you are feeling so down on yourself right now! I hope you are able to just enjoy the holiday with your family and friends:) Happy Thanksgiving!

tokaiangel said...

Ahhh that sucks dude! Don't be mad at yourself though, I guarantee you look NOTHING like as bad as you say. You got the dress on, right? Well then it's all a matter of what you see in the mirror, and you've got to admit we're not always the best judge of how good we look. Blame the dress, not yourself (a lesson I am learning too, so you're not alone!)

TA x

Shivers said...

Charlotte - Thanks hon, I'm trying not to bring anyone else down with me when I get in to dark moods, I'm actually trying to be positive! Honest! :o) I had a lovely Thanksgiving dinner with friends and family, I even had a slice of Pumpkin Cheesecake, not something I'd even heard of before. Hope you had a lovely holiday too! xx

TA - I know we can be our own worst critics, it's so hard to trust other people's opinions when the "truth" is staring you in the face. For so many years (mainly teenage ones) I was unhappy with my unproportioned figure, then I lost weight and I was genuinely happy with how I looked in the mirror. So now that weight is back and I feel like everyone's placating me again.

Or I'm just a perfectionist, and although I could look better, I look fine now. Hmm... not sure if I could accept that... :o)


xxx