I just read Charlotte's post today about Survival of the Weakest. As usual it was a great post, but today this was actually beautifully timed for me. I have to quote this:"I'd much rather hear about those who struggle and fight and earn every inch of what they've got."
Nothing ever comes easy to me (except the speed-reading, coincidence?), so I have no interest in reading about people with all this natural talent. Show me the ugly duckling and the process she endured to become that swan. I read Kelly Holmes' (double Olympic gold-medallist athlete) autobiography and was totally disappointed - she ran, she ran fast, she trained hard, she won. *sigh* What on earth can I learn from that?
Every physical activity I do is a struggle for me. I can disguise that with strength and enthusiasm, but I lack the ease and grace of a "natural" athlete. It doesn't help that my little 18yr old sister also does the same sport as me, and I guess starting at 9yrs instead of 16yrs as I did, gives you a major advantage.
I'm struggling so much with my body shape and image at the moment. I broke down and cried, no actually I sobbed, on the phone to my Mum last night, trying to make sense of the disproportionate amount of suffering a few extra pounds can cause. It doesn't seem fair. I have friends in TKD that see that I have put on a few pounds but they also see weight-gain/loss as I used to see it: a purely physical process, you eat less and train more and the numbers go down. I have friends at work that see me as already being quite slim and try to reassure me that I don't need to lose weight, or that it's natural to gain some in your mid-20s.
Neither of these approaches are helping me. I need to hear about the messy middle. I need someone who understands that the reason I gained this weight, and the reason I am struggling to lose it is that it is not purely a physical process. There is some major emotional crap going on with me at the moment that I am clearly not dealing with too well. I need someone that understands that I need help. Not sympathy or reassurance. Just help.