I was sitting in the pub tonight, with Towelie and some of her colleagues, marking her last day in her job - her with vodka & diet coke, me with a pint of Miwadi (diluted orange squash) and I had a bit of an epiphany. I just felt like going training. I had this strange flash-back. A memory of sorts. A sense of a former self. I looked at my watch, it was only 8pm. The Senior TKD Class was at 8.30. If I hurried, I'd make it. I turned to Towelie, apologised sincerely, picked up my handbag, and left.
I just walked out.
I did something that the Old Me would have done. Except it didn't feel like 'Old Me', I just felt like 'Me'. Normal.
Or as normal as I can be anyway!
I raced home (within legal speed limits of course *ahem*), got my gear, and arrived at class just in time to shock everyone with my appearance. Ok, I hadn't been at the Friday night session since October, so their surprise was understandable! But it felt totally 'normal' for me.
I trained hard, my heart pounding and faint feelings of nausea, and it all felt so familiar. As I worked through the standard kicking drills, and performed the technical movements, I felt so comfortable yet I simultaneously felt odd. Almost felt chills down my spine. As I thought back over the last 6 months, how I've felt so unlike my usual self, and wondered, if this all feels ok now, then where the hell have I been?? How did this happen?
More, importantly, how do I stay this way, and stop it happening again?
I don't have the answers. But, and apologies for sounding corny;
I have hope. And for now, that's good enough.
I just walked out.
I did something that the Old Me would have done. Except it didn't feel like 'Old Me', I just felt like 'Me'. Normal.
Or as normal as I can be anyway!
I raced home (within legal speed limits of course *ahem*), got my gear, and arrived at class just in time to shock everyone with my appearance. Ok, I hadn't been at the Friday night session since October, so their surprise was understandable! But it felt totally 'normal' for me.
I trained hard, my heart pounding and faint feelings of nausea, and it all felt so familiar. As I worked through the standard kicking drills, and performed the technical movements, I felt so comfortable yet I simultaneously felt odd. Almost felt chills down my spine. As I thought back over the last 6 months, how I've felt so unlike my usual self, and wondered, if this all feels ok now, then where the hell have I been?? How did this happen?
More, importantly, how do I stay this way, and stop it happening again?
I don't have the answers. But, and apologies for sounding corny;
I have hope. And for now, that's good enough.
4 comments:
Yay!! I know what you mean - I have those weird ups & downs too. It's unnerving. But it sounds like "you" are back! Keep up the good momentum:)
Hey Friend.
For me, when stuff like that happens, I just go with it as you do.
Is it musclememory? A
Dormant habit just BUSTIN ON OUT?
Who cares ;) I'll take my hope where ever I can find it!
xo xo,
Miz.
"I have hope"- that says it all right there.
Charlotte, I feel like I've settled a bit now. There's less chaos in my brain, and that's gotta be a good thing!
Miz, I'm trying to just go with it, not make a big deal of it, and just not fall back into bad habits. It seems to be working so far. I ate really healthily yesterday, without even trying! I just felt like my old self with a small appetite and an awareness of junk food. Lovely feeling. :)
Sagan, thanks hon. It all starts with hope. :)
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