Thursday, December 11, 2008

An Achievable Goal Please!


I used to train every night of the week, and not accept any excuses. In fact, if I didn't feel like going then I would be spurred on to make myself go, because I cleverly recognised that disinterest as being a downhill spiral. A few months, and a genuine reason for not training later, and now I don't know the difference between disinterest and genuine fatigue. I have allowed myself nights off that I probably shouldn't, and I don't know how to go back to being such a hard-ass on myself! I'm being too nice!! :o)

I'm sure that this is a good thing in some ways; I'm allowing back injuries to heal, I'm getting more time with friends and family & I'm not feeling so trapped in my training. Well I thought I was feeling more motivated... Last night, after an hour of Pilates, I was so tempted to go home, but I went to TKD, not necessarily because I wanted to, but because I knew I should. I'm trying to normalise my routine, and this is what I used to do. But I had no inclination to be there. My disinterest, and just plain boredom, was written all over my face. I think I actually sapped the other guys of their own energy!

I know I used to enjoy the classes; the challenge of kicking, continuously trying to improve upon flexibility and strength. I loved my position as a black belt, at the top of the class, leading by example. Before I graded for my II Dan in June I was training 10 times a week. No exaggeration or boasting. Just fact. I did 30-45 mins of practice in the morning at the gym at work, and then my normal 60-90 mins classes in the evening, on top of 4 hours of teaching during the week. I was also part of a Tag Rugby team at work, we had regular training sessions and matches, that I had initially intended to attend all of them but had to focus on TKD more with the grading coming up and only made 80% of them (Only!).

I knew I had a goal, a respectable yet achievable one, of grading to the next level of black belt. My weight didn't matter for this so I ate normally enough, but I was enjoying the training. I was very focused. Very driven. I think it's safe to say that I burnt myself out. I'm even getting tired now just thinking about how much I used to train! But that's not to say that my current lethargic state is an improvement, I think it's just the result of that over-exercising.

I felt that my motivation was lacking last night as I trained in the class. I can't kick as well as I'd like to, and I felt disheartened by that. I've been doing TKD for nearly 10 years, and though I've brought home a lot of dust-gathering silverware, I haven't actually won anything of note. I'm starting to wonder if I ever will. I know my levels of acceptable achievement are probably higher than a lot of my fellow students. I know that I took 2 silvers at the recent competition, without even preparing for it, and lost only narrowly to people that I've beaten in the past. But it doesn't seem to be enough.

My attempts to "normalise" aren't working. I'm getting frustrated because I'm looking to the past and want to turn back the clock. That's not the way to deal with this. I need a new normal, I need a new goal.

I've been reading Chris's blog updates on how his wife is preparing for a Fitness competition. As distinct from Bodybuilding competition it's more about feminine lean-ness, or so I understand so far. I've seen footage of Bodyfitness events before as well, ones with gymnastics and high kicks etc. I've never told anyone this but I think I'd love to do something like that... I've always been muscular (too muscular according to my friends!), and I love dancing... I'm not saying that this is my new goal!! First of all I don't think we even have anything like this in Ireland! This is just a fantasy...

12 comments:

Missicat said...

Love that cartoon :-)
I also need to open a can of whup-ass on myself....let me know how you accomplish this! I am tired of using "being tired" as an excuse!

Tricia said...

I'd say go for the new goal, if only to give you motivation to push past the lame excuses (although not too much that you don't listen to your body's real complaints).

Shivers said...

Missicat, thanks! must find out where it's from so I can give it proper credit! I used to crave a boot camp of military-style training, but now I seem to want yoga and pilates and lovely soothing comfy and cosy classes... Where did all my aggression go?! :o)

Tricia, I hear you on the listening out for the genuine restrictions. I definitely need some new focus though. My tight clothes and wobbly bits just aren't enough motivation I'm afraid! :o)

MizFit said...

how about a NATURAL BODYBUILDING SHOW?

for me the fitness experience was too too TOO much about beauty. (heels, make up, nails etc)

but that might be fun for you as well? it stressed ME out :)

tokaiangel said...

If you're anything like me, your high achievments will act as a deterrent! I used to be crash hot at saxophone when I was 14ish (grade 8) and my boyfriend keeps trying to get me to fix up my old sax and start playing again. But I'm SO scared that I'll have to start at the beginning when I know how good I used to be!

The new goal is the perfect solution. You've already got a list of new things you want to try, just go for it! It never feels like as much of a chore when it's all new and you're excited about it, so before you know it you'll have a new routine set up without even realising!

TA x

Illuminati said...

You can't work out every night. I would do the same thing when I first started training. It's a hard habit to break because you make yourself feel guilty for missing days but it's much better for you because the days of rest make the days of exercise even easier.

Shivers said...

Miz, You used to do those shows? Really?! wow!! Have you posted on it? I've always been curious about the Fitness side of bodybuilding competitions, I saw the Polish Miss Fitness perform when I was training over there and she was amazing, just bouncing about the place and really lean and toned. I'm no, repeat NOT interested in the massive bulging muscles side!! :o) I'm curious about a Natural show.. what would that entail... hmm...

TA, Oh I know that feeling, I am not good at being a humble beginner (again).. When I trained in Poland I was a black belt but I was so far behind their club that I felt embarrassed to wear it! I worked my ass off to even match their levels of fitness and conditioning, but ended up crying down the phone to my family every few days because I felt so lacking! :o( So I do have a few new ideas, but I need a new structure, a new purpose. It's not like I want to give up TKD, I still enjoy teaching it and it's a major part of my life. I just need to find a new form of motivation. A new outlet.

Illuminati, Thanks for stopping by! I'm suddenly aware of how girly my blog is in comparison to yours!! Maybe I should throw in a few Top Gear or Soccer references to make male readers more comfortable! :o) Totally agree with you on the value of rest days, at the moment though I seem to have gotten into a lazy cycle of rest weeks! I'm only training twice a week at the moment, and even then I'm not enjoying it or fully committing to the class.

Haha, just reading back over what I've written; I feel like I'm trying to break up with someone and I'm listing all the reasons the relationship isn't working!! I'm not ready to break up with TKD just yet. I just need to rekindle the passion! :o)

Sagan said...

I like that idea of a new goal. Sometimes we set ourselves up for things that just aren't going to work for us.

Case and point: I made the decision last spring to run a half marathon. But somewhere along my training I realized that I HATE running, and was only using it to get over depression. So I stopped running and worked on other goals instead (like completing the 100 push ups challenge!). Best thing I ever did was to walk away from that half marathon goal- FOR ME, it wasn't working.

Shivers said...

Hey Sagan, thanks for sharing that!I do need a new goal, I need something to motivate, inspire and just get me off my ass!! :o)

I really enjoyed training for a 5 mile race a few months ago. I was so proud of myself, because I would never have been a consistent runner. But then I injured my back from the combination of running & TKD and I'm not sure how to get back in to it now. It doesn't help that the days are so much shorter now! I suppose I could go at lunchtime, but I'd rather go running near my home, it feels more private. I'm not fussy am I... :o)

R said...

Shivers, why don't you change up your routine. You say you used to enjoy doing these things, well find something new that can get you excited again! Try Pilates for a change, you could be pleasantly surprised at how much of a positive body change you can experience from something so low impact and 'body correcting'.

Shivers said...

Hi Rupal! Thanks for commenting! I actually started Pilates in May, and I love it! :o) Thanks for the tip though, it really was a great idea. So glad I started it. I'd love to find a yoga class too, there's not many options in my little town. :o)

Charlotte said...

Hey girl,
Sometimes a little cross-training is just what the doctor ordered when it comes to reigniting passion! I think it will make your TKD even better if you try something new for a little while, always knowing you will come back to it. And I totally agree with Chris, working out too much only leads to burning out;)