Thursday, October 30, 2008

Be Positive.... Me?

I haven't posted in a week, mostly because nothing exciting has happened to me this week, not sure if that's good or bad... I've eaten more or less "normally", you know some indulgences like pizza & chips on one night and a biscuit or three with a cup of tea (ooh that rhymes!), but I haven't had any crazy bingeing urges and I'm also not feeling deprived. I started back training last week, just easing myself into it gradually so I didn't take part in the sparring part of class last night, preferring to just work on my II Dan Patterns. They're really coming along, I can pretty much say that I know 2 of the 3 required, I just need to work on my kicking now... (I've been saying that for 2 years, someday I'll actually genuinely work on it!) I'm still pudgy, with extremely curvaceous cellulite-ridden thighs but I'm not hating myself so that must be a positive step of sorts.
So training is going ok, and my diet, although not exactly clean is not harmful, and I'm finding a sort of temporary acceptance of my chubbiness. How boring!! Where's the harrowing tale of angst, shame and despair which I seem to thrive on?! This really isn't right at all... I'd better find something to be miserable about quickly!! :o)
Seriously though, I am looking for balance, but not like this. Not some form of acceptance, like I'm settling for less. At least I'm back in TKD with some new-found enthusiasm, that is an extremely positive and encouraging thing for me. TKD is such a part of my identity, I really felt lost without it.


Tricia said...

I'm glad that you're not hating yourself, and that you're back to TKD.

Charlotte said...

Good heavens - being happy with yourself is NOT boring! I think it makes you fabulous! Congratulations and keep it up, girl:)

Shivers said...

Tricia - Thanks, it seems sad that it is something to be proud of but yes, it's nice to not be full of self-hatred! And TKD is certainly refreshing, I'm not back fully yet but it feels so good to even be motivated. :o)

Charlotte - I like the idea of being fabulous!! I guess I'd better keep this up so! :o)