Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Confrontation... My Achilles' Heel

I hate hate hate confrontation! Unless it's an instant reaction to a situation, I'm useless. I just feel sick at the thought of actively engaging someone in conflict. You'd think that after so many years of martial arts and competitive sparring that I would have faced and conquered this fear. After today's face-off with my ex-roommate I can say... Evidently Not...
I feel physically sick, just weak and light-headed after that nasty exchange.
I would never have seen empathy or the desire to please as being a weakness before, but it seriously hinders success in arguments. I was almost fighting myself as I tried to shrug off his defences and resist taking them on as the truth. I had to keep struggling to remind myself that I was actually in the right, and that he was the one that was being unreasonable.
The background to this incident is a long boring story that I wouldn't inflict on yet another sympathetic ear, but this has become a common theme for me. I think back over the years, to the people who confronted me for my "wrongdoings" and I kick myself for not having the courage to fight my own battles.
I can defend others at a moment's notice, but I seem to think have such little self-regard that I find it impossible to defend myself.


Illuminati said...

It's hard to stand up for yourself. Even if it's justified you feel awful afterward. It's human nature.

Charlotte said...

Illuminati is right - people who are really good at confrontation seem to also be sociopaths.

I'm sorry it was so tough, but you got through it! And it sounds like you stood your ground!!

smidge said...

I hate confrontation too, possibly as arguements make me so stressed out, especially if i am being attacked because someone else has done something wrong.

The last 6 months of my life have been all about this, and more, and its only now that i am feeling that i am coming out the otherside.

Well done for standing up for yourself! x

Sagan said...

Confrontation is so difficult. Big hugs.