Wednesday, April 15, 2009

A bit of perspective...

I've been avoiding blogging for the last few weeks, at first it was because I was in Dubai visiting my sister, but then I returned home and was met with the news that Leo, the man I was seeing back at Christmas, had died in a car accident near our home town.
I'd known him for years but we only got to know each other properly back at Christmas. We only went out for about a month but we spent most of that in each other's pockets! He even came to my friend's wedding with me at the end of December. It didn't work out though, for a number of reasons, and I was just glad that things weren't awkward between us and our mutual friends.
Even though we weren't dating long, you can imagine that this was a major shock for me. I'm still trying to get my head around it to be honest.
At first I was in shock, I didn't accept the truth of it or even cry for over 24 hours after I'd heard the news. Then the floodgates opened and I had 3 days of puffy eyes and almost constant sobbing. I've honestly never cried so much at a funeral before.
It's been about 10 days since the accident, just 7 days since his funeral, and it still feels surreal. Like an elaborate practical joke. It's as if everything has changed, yet sitting here at work it's as if nothing has changed.
It's funny the effect that sudden and tragic deaths can have on the living. I've been cleaning my apartment in almost an obsessive manner, de-cluttering and re-organising incessantly. How silly to think that if I died in the morning I'd regret leaving behind a messy home, but I suppose it's just a feeling of needing to have my stuff in order. I've also been making contact with my friends and family, making sure that they know just how important they are to me, and how much I appreciate their love and support.
It really puts things into perspective. Life's too short to sweat the small stuff.

6 comments:

Charlotte said...

I'm so sorry to hear about Leo's death and your loss! That's so hard to lose a friend that way. (((hugs)))

Meg said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I understand your need to create order at this time of chaos. *hug*

Shivers said...

Thanks girls, I am definitely in need of hugs at the moment! I know his sister and one his brothers really well, so it's hard for me to think about my loss when theirs is so much worse. Plus our relationship was so brief, and ultimately unsuccessful, so I feel silly getting so emotional over it. But I guess you can't control your feelings, you can only deal with them as best you can...

Sagan said...

I'm really sorry to hear about this. That's terrible. Big hugs and I know that you'll be able to get through this.

MizFit said...

It is.
and Im so sorry for the loss.

take care of you as we can entirely wait.

Carla

Missicat said...

Very sorry to hear of your loss. I understand about the de-cluttering - I also have that sort of reaction.
Very tough to lose someone so suddenly and unexpectedly.