A long lost friend...

I just found my old blogs, almost by accident, and it was like bumping into an old friend! (One I actually want to talk to - rather than all the old classmates I'm 'friends' with on facebook!) I don't know if anyone will even see this... or if I'm actually getting back into the blogging scene, but I'm definitely curious about what everyone has been up to in my absence...

So much has changed in the last few years (years?!?) - I finished my Masters (with a First Class Honours - woohoo!).. I live in London now... I have a very grown up job, where I work very long hours but I am valued, respected and paid accordingly, and I have people reporting to me!! I'm single... but comfortably so...enjoying my own company rather than allowing my life to revolve around someone else. I've made a life for myself here, I feel like I'm finally living, rather than the rehearsal I was going through back in Ireland.

A big part of this life is my sporting activities, and my quest for balance through them - Touch Rugby (I tried contact for a year but my body is too old & broken for that now), Taekwon-Do (after a 2 year hiatus!), Running (I'm preparing for a Half-Marathon!), and Meditative Yoga.... A combination of fun/serious, individual/team, relaxed/competitive activities with mixture of men & women as friends/colleagues/teammates... All in all, a semblance of symmetry perhaps... :-)

x

Confrontation... My Achilles' Heel

I hate hate hate confrontation! Unless it's an instant reaction to a situation, I'm useless. I just feel sick at the thought of actively engaging someone in conflict. You'd think that after so many years of martial arts and competitive sparring that I would have faced and conquered this fear. After today's face-off with my ex-roommate I can say... Evidently Not...

I feel physically sick, just weak and light-headed after that nasty exchange.

I would never have seen empathy or the desire to please as being a weakness before, but it seriously hinders success in arguments. I was almost fighting myself as I tried to shrug off his defences and resist taking them on as the truth. I had to keep struggling to remind myself that I was actually in the right, and that he was the one that was being unreasonable.

The background to this incident is a long boring story that I wouldn't inflict on yet another sympathetic ear, but this has become a common theme for me. I think back over the years, to the people who confronted me for my "wrongdoings" and I kick myself for not having the courage to fight my own battles.

I can defend others at a moment's notice, but I seem to think have such little self-regard that I find it impossible to defend myself.

Source of Comfort

My increasingly annoying roommate moved out 2 weeks ago, and I had the apartment to myself at last... Then my brother came to stay with me and ended up staying for a week, so when he left yesterday I was relieved at first, now I could get back to my peaceful solitude. But I miss him. He's a funny guy, in more ways than I could hope to explain and he's become a great brother over the years (we'll remain blissfully ignorant of the childhood years!). Over the last week he was a great friend too.

Let me put this in one simple sentence: I lost a pound in the last week.

I wasn't really trying to lose weight. Not in a conscious sense.. Of course it helped that he was trying varying degrees of Carb-elimination, and was not encouraging any junk food consumption, as most of my friends are likely to do. But I didn't notice their absence.

I didn't crave comfort food.

I felt comforted.

I am only noticing this now since he has left. As I sit down at my desk with a sugar-laden Cappuccino, and feel the familiar cravings setting in, I notice their return, and in doing so I notice their absence.