tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5408408603626898095.post3244714752398931263..comments2017-09-10T07:39:22.223+00:00Comments on Seeking Symmetry: If Guinea Pigs Could Read....Siobhánhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15681127770002908810noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5408408603626898095.post-42652477323141512462009-01-28T18:27:00.000+00:002009-01-28T18:27:00.000+00:00Missicat, thanks! I think I might need it (if not ...Missicat, thanks! I think I might need it (if not for the admissions process then definitely for the course itself!).<BR/><BR/>Omega, why thank you! ;)<BR/><BR/>Sagan, great point, taken under advisement straight away.<BR/><BR/>Rachel, thanks for pointing that out, extremely valid point. I need to explore my interest in the topics being covered in the course and communicate the relevance with regards to making myself more employable. It sounded easier when I sat down to write it... <BR/><BR/>Now that I re-read the draft I posted, I actually did feel it was a bit hollow, it's still not sitting right with me. My brother's coming over later to help me "cull" (his word not mine).Siobhánhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15681127770002908810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5408408603626898095.post-33494301343204357812009-01-28T17:47:00.000+00:002009-01-28T17:47:00.000+00:00I would add a bit more specificity about why you i...I would add a bit more specificity about why you in particular want to study e-law. Is there an e-law situation you've dealt with that piqued your interest initially? I understand you come into contact with e-law issues in your current position, but I think what I feel is missing is a more concrete explanation of where you derive your interest in the topic. Generally speaking I think you come across as a very articulate candidate. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5408408603626898095.post-46665133310292716112009-01-28T00:38:00.000+00:002009-01-28T00:38:00.000+00:00I like! It sounds great. You've done a good job of...I like! It sounds great. You've done a good job of demonstrating how you'll apply the course too.<BR/><BR/>I'm wondering about the last line, though- I think "I'd be interested in pursuing" or something similar might sound a bit smoother than "open to partaking".<BR/><BR/>Good luck!!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5408408603626898095.post-54636432007545790132009-01-27T18:35:00.000+00:002009-01-27T18:35:00.000+00:00Wow, that is pure poetry of the mind, heart, and s...Wow, that is pure poetry of the mind, heart, and soul coalescing into a perfectly crafted diamond of concise logic!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5408408603626898095.post-37502885976817977472009-01-27T16:52:00.000+00:002009-01-27T16:52:00.000+00:00Sounds great to me! I did read the edited version ...Sounds great to me! I did read the edited version after Charlotte's comments. <BR/>Good luck!Missicathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03547671118679036352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5408408603626898095.post-78318622510587145602009-01-27T14:14:00.000+00:002009-01-27T14:14:00.000+00:00Oh wow! I had no idea my commas were so profligate...Oh wow! I had no idea my commas were so profligate! I am taking all of this on board and strangely am not offended by the corrections! Thank you!<BR/><BR/>Draft 2 is in the makings right now...Siobhánhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15681127770002908810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5408408603626898095.post-82102510976738955152009-01-27T13:56:00.000+00:002009-01-27T13:56:00.000+00:00Okay, speaking of typos - I meant "paragraph TWO" ...Okay, speaking of typos - I meant "paragraph TWO" not "paragraph too". *blush*Charlottehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04339643338071382257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5408408603626898095.post-15123603398950022792009-01-27T13:55:00.000+00:002009-01-27T13:55:00.000+00:00Hey girl! How exciting!! I think your statement ...Hey girl! How exciting!! I think your statement is very good & for the most part well-written. I don't know if we have different grammar rules etc. in the US though so take my corrections with a grain of salt. (Although as part of my day job, I do actually review college admissions essays!)<BR/><BR/>Anyhow, you have a serious case of extraneous commas. A comma is supposed to be used to separate items in a list or to indicate where a pause should be to increase clarity. You have about 30 commas too many that end up obscuring your meaning. Take a close look at paragraph too. For example, there should be no comma after theft, borders, or quandaries. <BR/><BR/>Also, in your last paragraph you begin too casually with "As to my career objectives..." This is not proper grammar. That phrase combined with the subsequent "I would expect" almost make it sound like you are making demands on the University. This sentence would rankle me, as an admissions officer. Rather, reword it to show your internal motivation. Something like "This program dovetails neatly with my career objectives, especially to [insert main objective here]. An e-law degree will open many doors for me and help me to achieve my career goals for further advancement." Or something like that. Put the onus on you, not them. <BR/><BR/>Anyhow, I could nitpick forever. Really your essay is quite good & I expect it will have the desired result! Good luck to you in this new adventure!Charlottehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04339643338071382257noreply@blogger.com